Day 8: The sadz

Day 8: What makes you sad?

I’m going to go oddly specific with this question, but it’s something that’s been affecting me a lot lately. I’m very sensitive to my surroundings and they tend to drive my mood. I’m calmer and more focused when the place I’m in is organized and clean. I’m happiest around bright colors and patterns. I get that most people would probably say the same thing, I’m not trying to insinuate that I’m “special,” I just feel particularly affected by it and notice the changes in my mood. 

My entire life, sundown has always been a very odd time of day for me. The time right when the sky begins to turn colors toward night time right until it goes completely dark makes me uneasy. It’s like the slight anxiety you get when watching the weather report as a severe thunderstorm arrives on top of your house, although maybe that’s just me? I’ve spent the last few weeks in a constant state of flux over grad school decisions. All day, I can be thinking one thing and be totally set on making a decision, and the instant 6:00 P.M. rolls around and the sun really starts setting, that decision is out the window. I can’t be certain of anything in that moment, because it makes me second-guess myself. I don’t know why, but that time of day scares me for some reason. It makes me sad. Like, the day is over, you’ve run out of time. It has this finite sense of doom to it, like I realize I need to go back and change something, but I won’t be able to once the sun goes down for good.

When I told this to Hazel, she asked me if I was a caveman and I felt the need to go hide in my cave for shelter during the night like a primitive being. I laughed my ass off when she said it. But maybe she’s not entirely wrong?

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