So, not only have I been neglecting the Movie section of my blog, I hadn’t posted anything in 17 days until today. Bad Maggie. But I’m back, and I have big news.
On Tuesday, I found out that I have been accepted to USC for a Masters degree in Critical Studies at the School of Cinematic Arts!
This is a completely accurate progression of my thoughts in the hours after I found out.
I’m still in shock and thinking about it makes my head spin. Literally, my entire life could be changing in the next couple of months. As much as I want to attend USC (it’s one step closer to making my dream future come true), the reality is that funding is a major consideration and it would crush me to not be able to afford to go. It would crush me even harder than not getting in in the first place. But for now, I only have the word that I’m admitted, nothing further about scholarships or assistantships. I don’t even have all of my acceptance/rejection decisions back yet to make a proper decision. The pressure of knowing I have to make a decision soon, but not having enough information to actually make one now is more stressful than I ever though it would be. All kinds of information, potential plans, and second and third backup plans are swirling around in my head. I want to make plans, but I can’t right now. I’m trying to let it sink in and just revel in the fact that I have been admitted to USC. Like, how incredible is that?!
There’s also another reason that I’ve been so stressed out since I heard the news. It’s not just the imminent change, but worrying that I’m good enough. Being admitted to USC is nothing short of amazing, and it’s something I never thought would happen. It was my long-shot school from the beginning, so it’s a tremendous confidence booster to know that I’m in the same league there. It’s also given me this horrible anxiety that they must have made a mistake. I keep listening to the good news voicemail and thinking that the message is going to change. Like, I must have imagined all this because it’s simply too incredible to be true. It’s going to take me another few days to snap into the reality that it’s all real. I’m excited, I’m shocked, I’m terrified, I’m honored, and I’m amazed.