Day #4: Describe your ideal partner

I don’t want to. Romance, and relationships, and happiness, and feelings…

I‘m not going to write about physical attributes here. Not because I’m above that or anything, but just because I’m lazy. And I’m going to make a list because I like lists.

1. Someone who hast their shit together. But not too much because I don’t want them to make me feel incompetent. Someone who at least has a least has a job that involves staying employed for the foreseeable future with enough funds to pay basic bills and maintain shelter. And I don’t mean this in a gold-digger way, just someone who isn’t a bum and puts on pants and leaves the house at least once a day. (The fact that my current lifestyle does not represent any of these characteristics is irrelevant. I’ll have you know I applied for two jobs online yesterday and then I ate some Fruity Pebbles with a child’s spoon that changes color depending on the temperature of the food.)
2. Someone who likes to watch movies. Freakin’ weirdos that they are, I know there are some people who don’t like movies. Like, what is wrong with you people? Movies are awesome. Someone who likes to watch the same movies I do would be best.
3. Someone I can gossip with. I’m a big gossip and judgmental bitch, so someone who shares that is great. Really talking myself up here, aren’t I?
4. Someone I’m completely comfortable with. Someone who will see me sing, fall down, accepts that I will watch the same movie back-to-back multiple times, walk around with air-dried and un-straightened hair, sleep with my laptop playing a movie six inches from my face, and will take away the Sour Cream and Onion potato chips from me when it’s gone too far. Someone who sees all of these things and doesn’t make me horribly embarrassed to be alive. 
And strange as it may sound, the best partner would be someone who really isn’t about all the romance. That’s not really my thing, I wasn’t hugged enough as a child so I’m all incapable of love or whatever. Can I have a platonic husband? I want like a best friend who splits the bills, lets me decorate the house however I want, tolerates my moods, tells me he loves my cooking even when it sucks, and doesn’t snore. I’ll do the same for him too, and you know, have the sex on occasion.


10 thoughts on “Day #4: Describe your ideal partner

  1. “I wasn’t hugged enough as a child so I’m all incapable of love or whatever.” You are my spirit animal. You should write a book. I’d read it.

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